One could not ask for a more purely lovely setting than the Creek Side patio at Lost Oak Winery. I decided to come out here alone tonight to read a new book…hoping for a little slice of solitude. On a whim, I tried a new wine. Red is always my first choice. But after tasting a few samples, I purchased a bottle of their White Mosaic. It is sweet and light, much like the evening itself.
This evening is our first taste of fall weather, and I am wearing jeans for the first time in months…which I become momentarily self-conscious of as I make my way through a wedding party down to the Creek Side patio alone…well, almost alone. There are a few stragglers here and there on the patio with me, including a darling little girl. What is it about little girls at weddings that just make everything so innocent and hopeful?
As dusk gently rests upon the day, twinkle lights seem to magically appear, and there is music and laughter, and toasts are being made. It is all very surreal. And, for me – unexpected. This isn’t the atmosphere I had anticipated. Yet, I am not disappointed in the slightest way. In fact, I am so pleasantly distracted by the lights and sounds that I barely read my book at all.
My mind begins to wander…
My mind begins to wonder, am I jaded? Will the circumstances of my own life to this point steal this little girl’s innocence and hope from my future? Will I be so determined and driven to stand on my own two feet now that I can no longer be vulnerable, open, even a little afraid? Can I be both strong and tender?
So, I sit here breathing it all in….the music, the laughter, the couples pairing off to walk and talk, to share wine, to dance. And I let my heart just be. And, it is good. I like what I discover: love. Yes, love. It’s still in me. Love is still here. My heart is no longer shattered into a million pieces. It is healing. I like the place I am in. There is a wholeness I have found…not the “perfection” that I have always strived for. But, complete comfort in the imperfections. Even the three or four rolling tears feel pretty and sweet, almost romantic. And, I am happy they made their way from my heart to my cheeks.
Even I – “lonely girl” – fit in tonight at my little table by the creek, on the outskirts of this wedding party. I don’t know a single person here. I am not an invited guest. I am not dressed for the occasion. I don’t have a date. But, somehow I belong here on the edge of this scene…just me and my White Mosaic, and my healing heart. Tonight, I discovered a sweet contentedness in being alone.