My girlfriend and I (and everyone else at Monty’s Corner – and most of Montgomery Plaza) are being serenaded tonight by what is very likely a homeless man with a cowboy hat and an iPod. He is singing love songs at the top of his lungs! And, while we are glad that Fort Worth’s finest eventually encourage him to find another “stage”, we kinda feel sorry for the guy as well.
Gets me to thinking, I kinda feel sorry for the rest of us sappy schmucks who buy into some of these stupid love songs. I use that term loosely because I am totally a sucker for a sappy love song! But in REAL LIFE, uh yeah…I’m not buying into that crap anymore. Here’s what I mean…
Ever noticed how many love songs are about how someone makes you feel?
Clearly, we all want to feel good as a result of someone’s undying devotion. But let’s be real for a minute, if you don’t already feel good about yourself, someone else’s faith in you will only carry you so far. And, chances are…they will get tired of stroking your ego. Just sayin’.
Further, I don’t want to be with a guy only because he is into me. I want to get to know him and be all crazy about him, too! I want the thrill of pursuing just as much as being pursued. And hey, I don’t want someone thinking that he “loves” me just because of the way I make him feel. If he loves me, it should be for exactly that…ME. He should see me and know me and think I’m awesome! At least, that’s how I want to feel about him – that he is amazing…not just that he makes me feel amazing. Ya know what I mean?
What about the songs about how someone makes you whole or saves you?
Seriously…it’s a cute line in a movie, but I don’t want anyone to “complete me”. I want to be whole already. Not perfect…but, not a freaking mess either! It’s not your job to fix me. As a matter of fact, that’s my job. I’m actually okay with the fact that I will never be perfect (says a “recovering-perfectionist”). So yeah, I want to be accepted and loved in spite of my imperfections. The thing is, if I know there are issues in my heart that are unhealthy, then I should take the initiative to dig deep and make those places healthy and whole – not count on someone to rescue me from a situation – or from myself.
And just so ya know, I don’t want to fix your broke-self either. Get your own self together. I’m not looking for perfection. But hey, I’m not looking for a project either.
Here’s my confession. My “ah-ha” moment of truth:
I have spent the last two decades going from one long-term relationship to another. There haven’t been lots of them, it’s just they have been well, consecutive. Literally since high school, I’ve never taken the time to just be ME all by myself. I’ve always been me WITH someone else. Sadly, I didn’t even know there was anything wrong with that until recently.
In Gift from the Sea, Anne Morrow Lindburgh refers to two “solitudes” or two “whole persons” who come together to offer love, to give freedom, to release each other to live and dream and do! That almost sounds foreign to me. It just seems most of us enter into relationships thinking so much more about what we will get out of it for ourselves – how he makes me feel and what he does for me. As a result, many of our relationships are laced with insecurity, jealousy and frustration.
Well, I have decided: I want something more than stupid love songs.
I know that means I still have a little work to do. But, I’m cool with that. It also means I’ve set the standard pretty darn high, so I can expect more. And, if that means I will be alone longer – okay. I am not in any rush anyway. I kinda like being Lonely Girl. I am having fun! I am also making time to just be me. And I like that, too.
Now, I am not as committed as Vanessa Katsoolis (see link below), but her resolution freakin’ stuns and amazes me! And I find myself identifying with her journey. Check out this “lonely girl” and her: